Centering You
Center Your Mental Health in 2025
Please take care of your mental health before and while helping others.
What is self-care?
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
Self-care is not a thing you can buy. Several Instagram content creators post photos of self-care that include luxury items such as international vacations and posh spas. This is not self-care; this is an indulgence.
When we take care of ourselves, when we practice self-care, we pour into ourselves what we need from this world.
Examples of free self-care:
- exercising,
- going for a walk,
- doing yoga (free You Tube videos),
- eating healthy foods,
- drinking enough water,
- getting enough sleep,
- reading (free books at local library),
- listening to music (free You Tube music),
- hanging out with friends,
- joining a free support group,
- volunteering, or
- meditating/praying.
You cannot purchase self-love, nurturing, or mothering either. This practice about centering you is about meeting the needs of your inner child.
If you had a childhood with abuse and neglect, you need to heal from those words and actions that were tossed at you without your consent.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the inner child as the “childlike [part of us] usually hidden part of a person’s personality that is characterized by playfulness, spontaneity, and creativity usually accompanied by anger, hurt, and fear attributable to childhood experiences.”
Everyone has an inner child, however, we do not all need to heal from our childhoods.
Adults who grew up in a relatively healthy environment are connected with their inner child and do not need to take extra steps to include this part of themselves in their daily lives.
Individuals who were denied a healthy childhood, have to find ways to take care of their inner child, parent themselves, and navigate this world without being consumed by it.
Centering yourself is, therefore, not a selfish practice.
You center your needs so that you can make better decisions that are based on your values, your goals, your inner desires while still being able to respect and hold space for The Collective.
Centering your needs does not mean you are only focused on self. Our Self is inside The Collective, thus, centering ourselves centers others by default.
We do not do this work to serve ourselves as much as we want to be available to those who needs us.
Who is The Collective?
The Collective is our social support system and the people we support. It takes time to build a village. It takes time to build community.
We need these people in our lives, and they need us. It is healthy to ask for help, provide help, and rely on others.
Meg Jordan stated that we are “hardwired for close relationships” and Jordan described the purposes of close relationships to include “accessing self-regulation, gaining an inner sense of safety, tapping into creative problem solving, and experiencing wholeness and enriched lives.”
Dr. Jordan teaches at CIIS (California Institute of Integral Studies) in San Francisco. Dr. Jordan assessed the level of satisfaction regarding close relationships:
1. How satisfied are you with your ability to receive support from others when needed?
2. How satisfied are you with interacting easily with people of different ages, different racial and ethnic backgrounds, different socioeconomic levels, and different lifestyle?
3. How satisfied are you with the time, energy, [and money] you spend in community activities?
4. How satisfied are you with how you communicate your feelings to people you are closest with?
5. How satisfied are you with your ability to develop and maintain friendships?
6. How satisfied are you with the amount of fun and play in your life?
Centering your mental health does not isolate you from others, it makes you more available to help others. It allows you to have the emotional energy to connect with others.
You make time for meetings and other people’s emergencies; it is okay to also make time for you.
Good Mental Health
When I refer to mental health, I am referring to good mental health.
According to Fusar-Poli et al., “good mental health can be defined as a state of well-being that allows individuals to cope with the normal stresses of life and function productively.”
Having good mental health means your needs are met.
The normal stresses of life include the small (forgetting to take the trash to end of the driveway) to the large (oppression, the patriarchy, white supremacy, racism, sexism, all the isms).
We sometimes have control over these stressors (make reminder to take trash out the night before), and sometime we have no control of the systems that oppress us (white supremacy, the patriarchy, capitalism).
Collectively, we can shift our reliance on these systems. Collectively, we can shift our mindset about these systems and help each other navigate them with the least amount of harm.
We cannot do any of this sleep deprived and hungry. Get restorative sleep and keep yourself satiated. If you struggle with falling asleep or staying asleep, spend the money to see a sleep specialist. They are cheaper than concert tickets.
Make sure you are eating and drinking water throughout the day. Spend the money to see a nutritionist or dietician if you cannot figure out how to eat for your physical and mental health needs.
Once your needs are met, you have the emotional capacity to meet the needs of others.
The flight attendants always give us this advice before the airplane takes off, “Put your mask on before helping your child.” They are telling us that we cannot save anyone if we are no longer breathing.
I know it seems the opposite is true – if I make sure everyone else is good first, then I will use the leftover time/resources/energy for myself.
No.
People, places, and things at the bottom of any list gets neglected, forgotten, deprioritized. It is okay to place yourself at the top of your To Do List.
Example: You wake up from sleeping in on the weekend and a friend asks you (last minute) to help them move heavy furniture at 8am. It is 6am and you are still tired from staying up late last night to help your child with their school project. It is okay to say, “I can help you move, but not until the afternoon.” Go back to bed and get some rest.
If we are not well (physically, emotionally, or psychologically), we cannot help others without causing ourselves harm (compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and burnout).
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